Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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