summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
