Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
