I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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