Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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