if i can run in heels then i can drive
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
