can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
