Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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