I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
