operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
