i permit you to call me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
