i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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