The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
