I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
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Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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