I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
