I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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