i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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