Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
