He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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