they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
