I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
