Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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