sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
