im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
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I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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