So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
