so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
