mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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