Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
