he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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