There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
