I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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