She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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