i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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