dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
