Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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