If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
