It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
