Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
