Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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