u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
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I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
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she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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