Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
