my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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