morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
