it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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