So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
