i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
