dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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