Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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