He uses pillows to masturbate.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
