True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
