I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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