mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
