right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i believe in u and ur pee
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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