Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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