i think my tv is drunk
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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