You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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