i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
