I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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