I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
